You're so nebulous sometimes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i dont even know how to be here
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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