I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
