Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
