My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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