My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
