Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize