think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
