my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
