On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
