mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
