My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
