Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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