I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
