Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
