I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
