I just made out with a guy for $7.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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