i think my mom watched the whole time
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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