Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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