I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
