My first STD was from a foam party
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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