i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
