What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
zippers are such a cool invention
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
