she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
