I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
