Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
