Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize