i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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