i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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