Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
