Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
