Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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