Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
