Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
