dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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