I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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