so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
