I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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