your parents love me but you hate me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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