My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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