So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
