you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
