Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
