I look better un-naked...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
