you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize