he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
