mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
