You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
