it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
zippers are such a cool invention
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
