Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
