Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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