You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
