Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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