Girls should come with a carfax report
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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