Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
