There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
