I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
