Dual....:-)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
