I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
this will be a night to untag.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
