just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
