I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
