dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize