Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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