I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
