There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
