If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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