Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
