What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
