oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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