I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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