why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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