You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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