so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
