i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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