see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize